3/30/10- Central Coast, CA.

3-30-10- Central Coast, CA.

some people view the world as a happy place.  like my friend betsy from san franciso; 92% of the time she’s just a smile… warms my heart; because i don’t smile like she does.  i laugh and my grin will eat away at my cheeks but it’s all ephemeral.  as the width of my smile declines, the memories sink back in.  the weight and pressures of life come back down.  again something funny will happen and i’ll laugh, but in the end it’s all a moment and moments are fleeting, life is the only constant, and life has just never been betsy’s smile for me.

i can see the beauty.  I talk to my girl Jen in North Carolina and she makes me happy, even when we’re talking about the hard times.  but just knowing she and i are still close as we were when we were both livin’ right in germany makes my heart warm; yet i still think about, what seems to be, the forever unstable earth i walk on.

i was talking to one of my mentors in life the other day and i told him “the world i love so much has turned my heart cold.”

I feel like no matter where you go you’re forced to strategize your steps and movement all directed to, around and for business.  even friendships, it’s all give & take, as life in every sense is a true balance… and i always feel as if i am walking the tight rope in it.  never too many moments of peace.

i was rehearsing with the cellist the other day and we had just got done rocking sweet aimy & as we moved onto brooklyn dear i said “we should slow this one down for the 4/3 show… drop the bass out & bow it out with the cello… let’s try it.”  and so we did and i thought it was pretty cool but then john turned to me and said “we have too many slow songs… we need more sweet aimy’s in the set.”  and i knew he was right.  All my songs just drone on.  & i’m down with the lyrical content, but we need more percussion.. we need a faster rhythm.  because life is one mass of shit with unreal moments of brilliant beauty sparkled in there.  those moments of beauty are so powerful that, in the end, they override all the hard times, all the panic attacks / stress, fears, tears,  they just make life, overall, so worth living.  so you gotta rock it like’a Joe Purdy song “i’m gonna fill this whiskey cup / and i’m gonna pick me some banjo up / and i’m gonna play with the tragedies / singin’ good time harmonies.”

You have to ride, you can’t give up the ride.  i am 26 years old and nowhere near where i used to think a 26 year old should be.  i watch the teachers i have this year at community college and i see kids just like me up there.  they get angry, they become stressed, they cry and freak out just the same as i do.  i watch my wise men snap at an instant just the same as i might when some word or sentence catches me off guard and i didn’t understand the meant meaning in it.  i’m gonna play with the tragedies singin’ good time harmonies.  you know?  i’m gonna take these pills for my head and try to steer clear of the booze but sometimes i’m gonna fill my whiskey cup and chirp on new piano cuts…

-asb